A Day in Hell... or at least a very hot desert

Black Friday fun times...

2010-11-27T10:11:00.001-08:00

One of the good things about the Thanksgiving holiday is the day *after*- no, not when your family goes back ~~to the rock from whence they came~~ home; I’m talking about Black Friday. The time of year when you can get a lot of stuff for about half the price- if you’re willing to get up at or not even go to bed after your dinner in order to get the “perfect” gift for someone for Christmas- and save yourself some money- but your trade-off is usually a big headache.

Now, I’m a fair-weather fan of Black Friday personally. I have partaken in the ~~insanity~~ event for a few years now; but only to buy a single item each time later in the day- a bigger ticket item that we’ve been wanting, but not willing to spend the money (okay, I’m a tightwad with money, but I figure a good deal isn’t worth passing up, right?). This year was different. I had a total mission, due to money being scarce and not wanting for my kids to have a ~~crappy~~ bleak Christmas. I had a plan. I mapped out which stores had the #1 item on Cutie and Junior’s list- and was prepared to hit the stores (because of course they are at different places and across town from each other) and brave the crowds to get the item for them. Lucky me, Junior’s gift store opened their doors at 10 pm Thursday night. Sweet! I don’t have to cut into my ~~beauty~~ sleep to get it by getting up at 2 am. Cutie’s store however didn’t start their sale until 5 am Friday morning. Oh well, at least I should get about 6 hours of sleep, and who am I going to impress with my sleep pants and slippers at 5 am? So, the plan was set and I was ready.

Since the sale started at 10 pm, I was going to get there around 8pm. I figured 2 hours of waiting in the parking lot is *more* than enough time to wait sipping my coffee to get his gift. Like I said, I’m a fair-weather fan, so Bill and I head out to the store. Imagine our surprise to see a line formed around 3 sides of the not-so-small building. Now, when I say a line, do you think I mean a single-file line? No. I’m talking 5 people wide, tents (not kidding), little bonfire portable pits, and police directing people where to go. Are you shitting me?? *and* there were more people coming in droves behind us with headlights lighting up the otherwise dimly-lit roadway from the mall. So, this fair-weather fan of Black Friday is now distraught on what to do. There is no way in Hell, I’m going to be able to get Junior’s #1 gift now, because I’d be lucky to get in the doors by 3 am with the limits imposed by the police department for the health and safety of the public *and* I run the risk of not getting Cutie’s gift now either if I wait. Shit. (More expletives said here, but to be fair to those who I might offend I won’t list them- but seriously if you’re offended by expletives quit reading my blog.) Now what?

We head back ‘home’ dejected in desperate need of a new plan. A light from the heavens came from above, oh wait, that was the police helicopter looking for delinquents in the area that happened to shine on me and I came up with a *new* plan. A big name store does price matching *if* you have the ad fully stating the price of the item and they carry it. They have their big event happening at 5 am, so we’re going to go there and get our shopping done *before* the crowds get there around midnight. I grab Bill ~~lucky him~~ and have him come with me on my new quest, so he can ~~enjoy~~ live this experience with me.

More expletives uttered from both of us as we turn into the parking lot only to see it looks like a car dealership’s lot on delivery day. Literally the strip mall this place is a part of, the *entire* parking lot is full, and people are circling like vultures for a spot. Normally, this place has people bunched near the two entrance/exits and the outskirts are empty, but not tonight- 5 hours before the event even happens. We find a parking spot easily enough because we aren’t afraid to walk the extra 1000 feet to the door like some of the people around here. Park the car, get out and get to the store a little before midnight.

The parking lot should’ve given us an indicator of the insanity we were about to witness. It didn’t- not even close. I would like to call the entrance to this place a mixture of “the calm before the storm” and “musical chairs.” If you remember playing musical chairs when you were younger and when there was only one chair left, how you circled around the chair with your hand touching it so you could yank it away from the other person so you could win? That’s what the pallets of “deals” looked like in the main aisles of this place. These pallets were 6 feet cubes of ~~crap~~ stuff for less than 50% of what they normally would be. No biggie, not going to fight Grandma Bluehair to get that casserole dish or crock pot. These people in here were literally uttering primal growls over that damn crock pot. Bill and I look at each other and figure we must’ve missed the memo on this, and are quickly realizing we should’ve stayed ‘home.’

Wait. We had a mission. We have to get Cutie and Junior’s Christmas gifts and get the hell out of there as soon as possible. So, we haul ass to the toy section (in the back of the store of course) and grab our stuff in seriously less than 5 minutes. We are power shoppers at this point. We want to get out of there 5 minutes ago type of thing. All of a sudden, we hear it. An explosion of sound and screams mixed with yelling and clashing of carts. Damn. We’re too late. We’re screwed. We’re stuck in this hell until we can fight our way out of it. We’re making our way to the front of the store to pay for our gifts. A lady is carrying her 3-4 year old child crying because he got ran over by a cart. An old lady rams in to my ankle and I silently curse her to fall and break her hip because I don’t want to go to jail over her being an asshole by beating up an old lady.

We get to the checkout line. We’re about 20 people back. We should get out of here sooner than I had hoped based on the crowds. The end is in sight. 45 minutes later, we are paying for our stuff- they accepted the other Black Friday ads and price matched. We got what Cutie and Junior wanted for their #1 and their #2 gifts. We are rock stars. We did it. Executed the plan (with some hiccups) but finished the mission. Christmas will be good for Cutie and Junior this year. How was your Black Friday?

Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don’t be an ass and copy/use it as your own.

A Time to Give Thanks

2010-11-25T10:17:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is a time to stop and be appreciative of all that you have and to be thankful things aren’t worse than they could be. I’m thankful for many things: my children, my husband, my health, my family, my friends (or family that I have chosen as I like to think of them), my country and my freedom. I am thankful for the soldiers that have fought for me to have the freedom to live the way I want to. The ability for me to write this blog and for you to read is in part because of the sacrifices of many so we can live free.

Would my life be better with other things in place? Would there be less stress and strife in my life if things were different? The answer to those questions is; “Hell yes they would!” Unfortunately, things aren’t perfect- not even close. Life is chaotic- at best. I pray every day that things get better for us, it isn't a selfish thing- it’s a reality. The lives of my family have been changed and not for the better either. The relationships between family members have been irrevocably damaged and for that I’m not thankful. So much animosity, resentment, and deceit all for nothing; yet continue on a daily basis.

I wish I could do more, I wish I could thank more- because truly, I do have much to be thankful for it is just a few things that seem to shadow over my gratitude today. What do you have to be thankful for?

Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don’t be an ass and copy/use it as your own.

Part 2 of 2

2010-11-24T10:44:00.000-08:00

So, now for part 2…

Another one of my dad’s anecdotes: “mimicry is the height of flattery.” I prefer to think of it as; “I can’t think for myself, so I’m going to copy your idea.”

Now, that seems a bit harsh right? Well, how soon you forget, I’m a nice person until you do something to cross me or my family and then bring it- you have unleashed the ~~spider monkey~~ bitch inside of me and it is hard to put her back once she has emerged toward you. Well, I shouldn’t say hard to put back, more like; she is dormant and waiting for you to piss me off so I can rip you to shreds. Anyhow… what to do when a ~~family member~~ person related to you does this?

I’ll tell you- a stream of expletives that makes the most seasoned sailor turned construction worker blush like a church lady, give you high blood pressure, loss of respect, instant rage and the desire to cause you bodily harm. Whoa, whoa, whoa! What the hell happened? I mean, I know that I’m living in Hell, and I know that people around me are causing my life to be Hell, but you’re a thousand-plus miles away and you’re making it worse- you’re fanning the flames to my Hell and dousing the flames with gas!

As you may know, (if you don’t read my bio here) I run a small business. The business is nothing massive- not going to put any big name stores out of business any time soon- but enough to keep my head above water and the business operating in the black for now. Another thing I picked up from my dad was independence- I like being my own boss; make my own hours, etc. So… back to the story here, enough back story…

My side of the family primarily lives a thousand-plus miles away. I don’t get to see them even close to as often as I would like to, so for birthday/holiday/just because gifts to get to them, I have to send them to them. No biggie- usually. Well, this last package that was sent to them arrived with gifts for several people- 3 birthdays and a “just because” gift- which was actually a prototype for the recipient to try out and give me feedback. The package arrived and was left in the nasty weather ruining the box, and the person (addressee/recipient) wasn’t going to be home for several days and had another family member (a gift for them was also in the package) pick it up so the contents weren’t ruined as well. Again, not a big deal- usually.

A family member opened the box (wasn’t addressed to them) and doled out the gifts to the people but the addressee was the only person not around (and wouldn’t be for 3 days). Starting to get annoyed, but I understand that’s how my family is and just grin and bear it. Fast forward to two days after the package arrives, and one of the recipients asks me where I got it. Tell them, I made it- which they knew already; it’s not a secret what my business is and does to them and anyone that knows me. They proceed to ask me specific directions about how to make one (the gift)- kinda thinking; “what the hell?” at this point, but give them general directions. Then for the sucker punch to the solar plexus- wants to know exactly how I made the prototype because they are going to sell them too! Now, it is full on WTF?!?? They then proceed to tell me they are going to make the exact same thing as me and sell them around there. WTF!??! Are you kidding me?!?

I’m all for fair competition and understand that is how commerce works- but when it comes to family why would you even think it is okay to compete? Bear in mind, my family has several businesses within it. I would never even think to start up in one of those fields- but I could easily if I wanted to because they are unable to sell their product (homes and other construction trades) in the same state as me because it is a physical impossibility and I wouldn’t even dream opening up shop with the same product next door to them if we lived closer. My business however, isn’t geographical specific like a home is- I can ship anywhere to anyone at anytime- if a polar bear wants what I sell- they pay for it and it will be on its merry way to them. So, to me, this whole “mimicry is the height of flattery” is total bullshit- they are taking money out of my pocket and it isn’t even slightly acceptable.

Oh, and the icing on the shit cake- this family member has a job of their own, and makes decent money and is married *and* has two incomes for their family- as if that wasn’t enough influx of green backs- they receive child support too. Right now, I have only one income and it is the one from my business. I feel that this person is a complete and total douche bag- that is the nicest thing I can post honestly- as I see it, this person is taking away from my kids and you never ever mess with my kids. All of this right before Thanksgiving… so what do you have to be thankful for?

I’m thankful that I don’t have to look at that person across the table tomorrow.

Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don’t be an ass and copy/use it as your own.

Part 1 of 2

2010-11-24T10:42:00.000-08:00

Ah, yes, it is that time of year when the weather finally begins to turn colder… alright, I guess for most people that happened a couple of weeks ago; but here in hell, it has happened now for a couple of days, and who knows it might be warm again in a week. Crazy weather we have here in Hell. So… how have you all been? Hopefully keeping warm with a nice cup of coffee, tea or hot chocolate, so grab a cup and get ready for today’s installment part 1 of 2 of a day in Hell.

I remember growing up my dad telling me different little anecdotes to make me feel better, you know the ones like; “sticks and stones will break your bones, but names will never hurt you” and “mimicry is the height of flattery” among a few others. First off, the “names will never hurt you” is a bunch of crap. Whoever came up with that one obviously was never bullied to the point of having to leave schools, dreading the alarm clock going off in the morning to go to class, and in current times having the *entire* world able to see the tormentor torment/humiliate you on the web with the thought of “names will never hurt you” mentality. Bullying is wrong any way you look at it, and it is one of those things that shouldn’t go by the wayside of “kids will be kids” and have no parental involvement.

If your child is being bullied, learn to recognize the signs of it; DO something about it. You all know your child, and you know if something is wrong with them- or I hope that you do- and get involved. Your kid might complain that you’re making it worse and you’re “embarrassing” them by going to the school, etc. Who cares? It is your job as a parent to protect your child, and remember they are the child you are the adult. Do the right thing. Your child will thank you for it later- maybe not while they are experiencing the bullying- but when they’re older and realize you were doing the best thing for them despite their best effort to thwart your involvement.

Conversely, if your child is the bully- look into why your child is bullying. What is the root of the problem? What is the catalyst that set the bullying into motion? Again, get involved with your child to remedy the problem(s).

Now, this post originally was going to be about 2 different topics; but because I’m ~~such a wordsmith~~ longwinded I’m going to break this post into two different ones, and because edit is a great thing, I added to the beginning of this one to let you know this one is part 1 of 2. ~~How considerate!~~ So how was your day?

Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don’t be an ass and copy/use it as your own.

Start 'em young...

2010-11-20T19:59:00.000-08:00

Today was the last day of the soccer season for both Cutie and Junior, and the teams they are on, give each of the players a trophy for all of their hard work during the season. Which, honestly, I grew up in a time, where trophies were for “winning” and were a big deal to get, and now they are giving them out like candy. I am not entirely sure how I feel about this philosophy- the whole giving them out to everyone- all the time- because I personally believe that if you keep “gifting” kids stuff, they will never learn to “work” for something and that is bunch of crap and honestly gives them an entitled attitude later in life. Whatever though, because the trophy people are making money, the leagues are making money, parents are spending money- and ultimately, it is a parent’s job to teach/educate their own child on the importance of hard work- not a coach or sport team. Climbing off the soap box now…

So, with that being said, here’s today’s issue: Junior’s trophy.

Now for the back story: Junior just became old enough to play in a recreational league after watching Cutie play for several seasons (5) and has been *dying* to play for a l-o-n-g time. Any of you that have kids know that whatever the older sibling is doing, the younger one wants to do it just as bad and is chomping at the bit to get the chance to do whatever they older one is doing. Well… like I said, today was the last day of soccer, blah, blah, blah, and he gets a trophy (like everyone else) but this is his very *first* trophy ever because he has never been able to play on a team before.

The team that he is on is coached by a guy- let’s call him Doug and he has his own kid on the team who we will call Paul. I am going to give you a bit of a background on this league. Other than the trophy thing- the league for Junior’s age bracket is one that: 1. doesn’t keep an official score 2. each child is to play at *least* 50% of the game 3. have lots of fun. Pretty simple- gets the kids in there to learn to enjoy the sport and have fun in a non-pressured atmosphere. Which is good, because I think that kids should learn to have fun in a sport at a young age for several reasons (not going to go in to them) - just my opinion.

Throughout this season Junior has been really good at this sport, like I said before he’s been watching Cutie for nearly 3 years of play now, and playing with her, etc. combined with the kid’s natural ability to run like the wind- he is the best kid I’ve seen at that age- and he’s even better than some of the kids on Cutie’s team that are 2-3 years older than he is. No, this isn’t from an over zealous mom that thinks her kid is awesome- it is from a mom that has seen her kid score an average of 10 goals per 30 minute game- but he isn’t even in the game for 30 minutes, he’s in for a max of 10 minutes, before Doug yanks him out. Quite literally telling him that he needs to not score so much and he can sit out for a bit. Doug has also held on to Junior’s jersey to prevent him from running to get a loose ball, told him to stay put (which he does) so the other team can “score a goal” he has even been so bold to scoop the ball up away from Junior and throw/toss it to the other team so they can score.

Now- I understand that kids at this level have *never* played before in a team setting, but like in life, there are going to be some kids that are amazing at something and kids that aren’t- just because a kid is good at something, you don’t need to penalize him/her and make them feel bad (especially when they are 4 years old) for doing a good job; which is what happened with Junior. He wanted to know why Coach Doug keeps taking him out when all he wants to do is play, but he won’t let him. Do I sound like a bitch yet? Probably, because I’m now appearing to be the bitter mom who thinks their kid should have more field time. No. Not even close. You see, Coach Doug’s kid Paul, is also a good player. He scores quite a bit himself, yet he is in the game for about 85% of the time and he pushes, shoves, kicks other kids and not a thing is said to him because his dad is the one out there. There is also a girl on the team (the team at this level is co-ed) and she plays about 85% of the time (she’s an average skilled player for this age) and she is friends with the coach’s family. Now, something isn’t quite right. My kid is yanked out because he scores too much and plays less than 50% of the time, yet the coach’s kid plays more than his fair share. There are 9 kids on the team, which would make it very easy to sub in 3 new for the 3 old throughout the game- yet he never did. Okay, okay, what about the damn trophy- I think my kid is about to graduate from college now after reading this…

So… today, like I said, they got trophies. Whoop-de-doo and all of that usual ~~crap~~ hoopla of you did great, thanks for playing, etc. from Coach Doug. After that was all said and done, the girl’s mom (that I mentioned earlier) wanted to get a group picture with all of the kids and their trophies. Junior gets up (since they were all on a blanket) and is like, where’s my trophy (he had put it down to get up- like I said, he’s only 4) and Paul takes his foot and stomps down (intentionally) on Junior’s trophy and BREAKS IT while saying “There!!” Junior is now crushed because his first trophy ever is broken in half. I don’t even know what to say to this ~~asshole of a child~~ punk ass kid, and before I open my mouth- I don’t say a word- shocking, right?

Isn’t that the grown up thing to do? Not say a word, because the dad/coach is a total douche bag and why is it a surprise that his offspring is equally a douche? I also know that *if* I did say something, it wouldn’t end up nice and I honestly don’t have the extra money to get bailed out of jail. At least my Saturday mornings won’t be spent with him or his offspring. Now Saturdays can be used for what God intended them for- ~~sleeping in~~ chores around the house. What do you have planned this weekend?

Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don’t be an ass and copy/use it as your own.

Good customer service?? Yeah, right.

2010-11-17T08:37:00.000-08:00

Good morning to all of you! I don’t know about any of you, but it honestly seems like a little garden gnome comes in at night and changes my alarm clock to go off a little earlier each morning. I swear- I feel like I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in ages. With that being said, here is today’s edition of Hell… well, yesterday’s version posted today. Still waiting for my hot caffeinated beverage to kick in…

Rewind time to last Thursday, I was doing the normal morning routine and went to unload the dishwasher. As I pulled out a plate, I noticed it wasn’t clean. Not unusual because the ~~cheap p.o.s. appliance~~ dishwasher leaves at least one dish dirty and needing a second go ‘round. Move to the next plate, it is dirty too. Again, not unusual, but kind-of since they were next to one another. Third plate- same thing. Damn. I must’ve forgotten to run it last night because now I’m noticing the dishwashing soap tablet is still intact. No biggie, I’ll run it while doing laundry, go ~~grocery shopping~~ run some errands and come back to finish this up later. Close the dishwasher, run the laundry, run errands, come back to unload the dishwasher- that’s a typical morning for me. Excitement in Hell- ~~living~~ loving it every day.

So… going to unload the dishwasher for the second time today, and imagine my shock to have same said plate dirty *again*. It was like a vicious cycle of “rinse and repeat” except there was only the “repeat” part. Now I’m kinda pissed. Check the silverware- dirty. Getting pissed now. Check the glasses on the top rack. Dirty. WTF? I know I started the damn thing before I left. Then again, I have been forgetting things lately, maybe I just *thought* I started it. The damn thing is so temperamental. Replace the plate I originally took out, close the door, and program the load, press start… nothing. Silence. Huh? Open the door again, close it and listen for the “click” indicating it is indeed closed properly- done. Program the load- done. Press start- still nothing.

Officially pissed off- this p.o.s. dishwasher was bought in MAY of this year!! That’s right, only about 6 months ago (actually it will be 6 months the *end* of the month) and it decides to give up the ghost? Really?? Really. So, Millie calls up the company it was bought from and they don’t service their own appliances they contract it out. Okay, whatever happened to standing behind your product? If I sell something with my business, and something goes wrong- I fix it. To me, that is good customer service and unfortunately, the thought of “good customer service” has gone the way of the buffalo; but I digress… Well, they give the name of a contractor to come out and see it. She calls the contractor and they can’t come out until Tuesday and can’t nail down a specific time so be home all day. What the hell? Are they the cable company now? Do people have nothing better to do than to sit around all damn day waiting for them to come and fix the p.o.s. that is less than 6 months old? Breathe in, breathe out… it will be okay… lots of pizza and paper plates, etc. at least Cutie and Junior will be happy.

Now someone will have to be here for the repair man’s huge-can-fit-an-elephant-through-it window of arrival. Millie is off to get something to complain about- gallivanting around bitching and judging the whole time so she can’t be here. Phil has a follow-up appointment that he has to go to- and has informed us he will be gone “all day” so he obviously can’t stay. I forgot I was in both Cutie and Junior’s classes today (Tuesday) and so that leaves Bill. He’s not too happy about that but, he will do it.

I come back from the kid’s classes and ask Bill how things went with the repair guy. He said he isn’t going to be here until 2-4 pm. What?? That’s crazy. Wait. Millie will be back by then, her latest time of arrival is 1 pm, and Phil should be home by then too… Sweet! We’re going to leave ~~them here to deal with the repair guy and get the p.o.s. fixed~~ to run errands for dinner tonight and come back after picking up Cutie from school. Come back only to find out the repair guy said it will be 2-3 weeks before the dishwasher can be fixed because of the holiday.

Two to three weeks? With all of the advancements in technology, shipping, manufacturing, it is going to take 2-3 weeks to get the part and then you’re going to schedule a time to come here and fix the p.o.s. dishwasher *after* that?? Are you having carrier pigeons take your order to a sweatshop in the Arctic for translation to the penguins so Santa’s elves can make it and send it back on a slow kayak with holes in it via the Orient? Something is not quite right here on several levels. In short your inability to provide “good customer service” is going to ruin our damn Thanksgiving. It’s not like we called you at 4:59 pm Wednesday afternoon the day before Thanksgiving to say it broke- that I could understand you not being able to fix it due to not having the part. You were called two weeks before Thanksgiving and you looked at it a week and a half before Thanksgiving- ever heard of expedited shipping? Better yet- remove and replace this p.o.s. dishwasher with another exact same model and exact same brand. That would be “good customer service” and go a l-o-n-g way- but then again, the cheap comes out expensive and in your case, I’m going to let anyone who asks me about appliances (and believe it or not, is quite often shockingly enough) *not* to go to your place of business.

Thanksgiving is one of the biggest stuff your face and your family’s face with food times of the year- that means tons of dishes. Now you’re going to say there will be no dishwasher to clean them and if that part doesn’t fix it maybe Christmas before it is fixed? Customer service my ass!! Then again, Millie and Phil don’t cook unless it is heat and serve from a microwave, so to them it isn’t a big deal. To me- it is. I enjoy cooking (like I said in a previous post- I can be like one of the Martha Stewart/ Bree Van de Camp psychos) and it is something that I can do that reminds me of being “home” with my family (even though they are far away). I am not looking forward to using paper plates and tin foil pans for cooking, but I will adapt. Things will get better- they have to. I don’t know why this is so upsetting to me, the inability to prepare a Thanksgiving meal the way I feel it should be prepared and not do the clean up afterwards. I guess it is only fitting it should be that way. Life in Hell will now have Thanksgiving in Hell. So, how has your week been going?

Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don’t be an ass and copy/use it as your own.

Sick as Hell

2010-11-15T07:25:00.000-08:00

It has been one of those weeks here in Hell. You know, one of those that just grate on your nerves and make you sick and tired of being sick and tired. How on Earth?? Why don’t you just quitcher (pronounced quit yer) bitchin’?? Anyway… this is how the week has gone since your last installment of Hell- and I'm only sharing *some* of what happened (or this post would be entirely too long) the past few days.

Phil with his infinite wisdom continues with his addiction to soda and fast food- in case you haven’t read what is going on with him, you can read it here or you can get the gist of it by knowing that he had major organ failure about a week ago. He continues to eat like crap and drink crap yet wonder why his health is crap. No wait, he doesn’t wonder- he doesn’t care and I don’t know why I do [care] but he’s Bill’s dad and yeah. No words here, and for me to be at a loss for words is saying something; because normally can articulate how I am feeling quite well. I guess I should say, the words that I can say, I won’t because it would fall on deaf ears anyhow and I'm sure you don't want to read even more of a rant. If licensed medical professionals can’t change his behaviors and actions, what makes me think that he would listen to what I have to say? Frustrating. Wasted time, effort and energy on that lost cause. Moving on now…

The other part of Hell this week happened on Wednesday, someone at Cutie and Junior’s school remarked how their family had just got over the worst virus ever and proceeded to ask me and some of the other parents if any of us had got it yet. I stupidly said, “Nope, not yet, thankfully.” Now, if any of you know Karma please put in a good word for me, because I have somehow pissed him/her off and things just have not been going the best for us here in Hell. The very next day Bill woke up feeling like crap. Great, whenever he gets sick, I’m usually the next one to get sick- and since Junior and Cutie were off of school that day, it was unusually difficult to keep them contained. Not sure if cabin fever hit them after a couple of hours, but we ended up going to do some errands to help keep the house quiet. Bill still didn’t feel too well that night, but he thought he’d be able to kick it the next day. Nope. The next day was even worse than the first. Hello weekend of sickness- at least the kiddos won’t be home sick from school, so maybe Karma was smirking instead of pissing on us.

Then yesterday (Sunday), got off to a wonderful start, because now I’m sick with this wonderful blessing of nastiness and phlegm- when I get sick it is business as usual- no sleeping in, no laundry taking a break, dinner doesn’t cook itself, etc. - if you’re a mom you know what I’m saying. However… yesterday was a bit different. Bill let me sleep in, Cutie and Junior tried to play quietly (but they’re kids, and quiet isn’t always in their vocabulary), and Millie tried to cook dinner using only the microwave. Whatever, at least they tried. Can’t fault them for trying, right? How was your week?

Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don’t be an ass and copy/use it as your own.

Some things never change

2010-11-09T07:54:00.000-08:00

Well… it has been an interesting weekend here. Phil decided to scare the living hell out of all of us by being rushed to the hospital and had to stay there for a couple of days in isolation- from a newly developed allergy as it turned out. Phil even had major organs fail! Everyone was freaking out and even he (Phil) thought he could see the light at the end of the tunnel, not that it being the end of the crazy ailment that no one could figure out- but the one that you see before you meet your Maker. With that being said, you would think something like this would scare the living hell out of *you* to be of the mindset; “it’s never too late to change.” Right? Wrong.

Now, don’t get me wrong here, but Bill and I were talking about this event and speculating on how long ~~things~~ his life would change. (Don’t judge! Phil and Millie have several ailments that adversely affect their health. One of which they both share with many other people is Type 2 Diabetes of which they are both perfectly happy to adjust their meds instead of their diet to live with that disease. So, changing and willpower are not their forte by any means- to give you an example Begging for Candy Day means eat as many pieces of candy that you give out or more in your room and throw the wrappers in the bathroom garbage can. Honestly, they *know* it is wrong yet they do it all the time. Whatever.) I guessed about a week. Bill guessed a few days. Well, we were both wrong. Less than 24 hours!

Are you kidding me? Nope. I wish I was. Phil asked for Millie to bring him a diet soda from the local convenience store to him in the hospital. Honest to God- and she DID! Am I the only one that is having a “WTF” moment here? Phil- major organs ceased to work and you’re going to ask for a diet soda??!! (at the hospital no less) Shaking my head in shock and total disbelief because, I guess some things never change. How was your weekend?

Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don’t be an ass and copy/use it as your own.

Life is fragile

2010-11-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

Not that you need to read this nugget of wisdom here, but seriously, we as humans are fragile. Things that are on a cellular level (no not your phone) can take you down or even out of the picture permanently in less than a minute.

Think of your circle of family and friends for a moment. How many of them have been sick and not know what is wrong- only to find out it is a bacterial/viral infection that can ravage their body in no time flat? How many of them have been effected by cancer?

I will never forget the call from my doctor to let me know I had cancer- just the minute before Cutie and Junior were fighting over who got to use the blue cup with dinner. Its one of those benchmark events that become etched in your mind because time and everything else stops at that point. Fast forward through the fear, resentment, frustration, biopsies, surgeries, recovery and you think that your nightmare of a life is going to eventually "get better" in more ways than one, because it has to- can't get much worse. Strike that, it could be Cutie or Junior going through this- thank God the karma didn't get them because I would gladly go through the hell of cancer again than to have either of them experience it- ever.

Cancer is one of those things that even when its "gone" and you're "cured" it isn't "gone." It has marred your memory, so a lingering migraine or being tired becomes a little more worrisome in that you hope it isn't cancer stopping by to say "hello, and hope you are ready for another adventure with me." It sucks.

When you hear someone else in your circle of family/friends has also received a similar call from their doctor needing more testing; your heart stops and aches for them and their family. Not only because you care about them, but because you identify with (unfortunately) what they are going or about to go through. Someone close to me has recently had to go through this, and I am literally more than a thousand miles away from them. Feelings of helplessness, overwhelming fear and anxiety for them rush through me and I can't do a damn thing. (I don't have a private jet- if I did, my life would be *way* different.) Thankfully, their test came back negative, and for that I am extremely happy. :)

With that being said, I don't want any of my family/friends wondering if I am about to begin another adventure involving cancer- as of my last doctor visit, I'm cancer free. So that's good. Nothing snaps you back to reality faster than the reality of how fragile you and your family/friends really are. Take the time to let them know you love them and care about them- even when they piss you off- because you never know what can happen in a minute.

Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don’t be an ass and copy/use it as your own.

What's brew with you?

2010-11-04T19:31:00.000-07:00

In case you have ever had the ~~opportunity~~ unfortunate event of having to live with your ~~parents~~ family *after* you have moved out due to unforeseen events, then you might be able to identify with me- if not count your blessings that you haven’t had to ~~experience~~ live like this. If you care to have another snippet of a Day in Hell, then read on…

I feel that I am a good person. I am one who would give you the shirt off my back if you needed it more than I did; I am willing to donate time, money, whatever- if I have it and also have the back of any of my family or friends at any time. (Don’t go thinking I’m all full of myself and super nice, because to some I can be a complete and total bitch- only because they have done something to deserve such treatment from me not unsolicited in any way.) With that being said, there are certain people in my circle of life that are not of that same giving/charitable mindset. They are willing to take, take, take and not give, but yet they bitch, moan and complain how “rough” they have it and then “volunteer” to help others; and then bitch, moan and complain about the people they “helped”. My opinion about doing volunteer/charity work is; if you can’t do something with a “happy heart” then don’t bother doing it because it is no longer charitable.

Some people have nothing better to do than to complain and if they can’t find something to complain about they complain about not having something to complain about. Now, I really don’t fall in to this category- regardless of what you might think due to the title of this blog, and the posts of said blog- but honestly, this is a way to help me keep my sanity and not harm ~~kill~~ the stupid people that piss me off at the grocery store due to my pent up anger and frustration due to circumstances out of my control (yes, if you haven’t guessed it yet- I’m a control freak). Man, I have a lot to say tonight!

So, what is the point of this post this evening? I’ll tell ya, why because I can and you’ve read this far so you might as well be rewarded right? Like I wrote several paragraphs ago, we are living with a set of our parents. Not exactly where we expected to be at this point, but here we are making lemons out of lemonade. When life hands you lemons, you’re supposed to make lemonade, I just happen to like my lemonade spiked with vodka. ;)

The gripe of the day is- coffee. What?!? Are you serious??!!!??? Coffee? Really? Really. I have to have coffee in the morning to keep myself ~~awake~~ functioning with 4-5 hours of sleep that isn’t even close to being restful. So, every morning, I make a pot of coffee in my trusty 12 cup coffee maker because Millie drinks coffee too, and hey, like I said, I’m not selfish, if I have it you’re more than welcome to it and it isn’t that big of a deal to add a couple more scoops to the pot even in a sleep deprived stupor. I’ve noticed that my 10 cups have been having 2 cups of leftovers for about a week now, and wasn’t sure what the deal was; since it used to be gone by noon. Millie leaves going to her various ~~sources for bitching~~ charity work twice a week, and social hour at the senior center the other three days; so I wasn’t sure if she was getting her coffee fix elsewhere; hence the leftover coffee at the end of the day that wasn’t happening before. Hmmm…

Earlier this evening, I had to go and tell Millie something and she was ~~hiding~~ watching PBS in her room. I turn to leave, and see on one of the dressers the following: 8 cup coffee maker, toaster oven, and a loaf of bread, bagels, hot chocolate mix, can of coffee, creamer, and some other items that I can’t remember. (Damn, what a memory huh? Well, you remember that game where you had a minute to look at something and then recall it? I kicked ass at that game- still do.) Anyhow… why in the hell is there a coffee pot and other crap for coffee in there along with the toaster oven- its like a damn continental breakfast at a hotel in there- when we have a toaster, bread, coffee maker, etc in the kitchen??

I bought the coffee for us to share- you bitch, moan, complain about not having *any* money and how “poor” you are and how “it would be nice to buy ____” all the time, yet you are making your own coffee that is the same damn coffee in the kitchen?? If any of you have any insight as to why Millie is like this, please enlighten me, because at this point, I’m thinking this is beginning to brew something more than coffee between us.

Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don’t be an ass and copy/use it as your own.

Cleaning house of pests

2010-11-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

Good morning sunshine! I hope your day isn’t as wonderful as mine has been so far… today got off to a glorious start of having Junior sick and nauseated, Cutie slept in and had to rush around in order to make the bus to school on time (which she did thankfully), make breakfast for the kiddos, pack Cutie’s bag for the day, feed the animals, and then take a shower so my day can officially begin. Well, that’s been the routine since school started this year- with the exception of Cutie rushing and Junior being sick.

So, today like I said was off to a wonderful start (have you noticed I speak fluent sarcasm?)…finishing up my coffee and getting ready to take my shower when the doorbell rings. Huh? Not expecting anyone or anything before 8 am today, let alone any day really.

Open the door, and who is there other than your local pest guy. No, not the neighbor who should have their house egged from their lack of Halloween etiquette, the actual bug/vermin/pest guy with his happy little hat, backpack full of toxins (non-lethal in small quantities to humans and domesticated animals of course) saying he was there to spread his wonderfulness around the house both inside and out. (record needle being screeched sound effect inserted here) What? Are you kidding me? I know nothing about this. I must look like a deer in the headlights at this point. So, I ask Bill if he knows anything about it- nope. I ask Millie if she does- nope. Millie then asks Phil (who is still snoring away in Dreamland at this point) at which he is like, oh yeah; they are going to be here today they called yesterday. Now, unlike some of those other Martha Stewart/Bree Van de Kamp ~~psychos~~ women out there, I don’t have a perfectly clean house every day of the week, hell I’m lucky if I’m batting .500 lately; unless I know someone is going to see my ~~chaos~~ house other than family and friends that don’t come to see my house, they come to see me -shock I know, that I actually have friends because I’m such a ray of sunshine wherever I go- sarcasm? Maybe, if you know me you know the truth. ;) Long story short, if you don’t know me very well, or if I don’t know you very well, you would think that I’m one of those Martha Stewart/Bree Van de Kamp psychos when you enter my house because I’m that good at cleaning ~~faking~~ it. C’mon, I know I’m not the only one in that boat- just sayin’.

Okay, so now the hurricane that needs to be done should happen- but instead, just have the tropical storm blow through to get the areas needed to be cleaned for the pest guy to do his job; and I am going to make this mortifying morning better by justifying this guy has to have seen worse places than mine, starting to feel a little better- not much, but a little. At least I have a jump start on my cleaning for the day. I guess there is a silver lining to this morning after all.

Damn. My coffee’s cold… that lining has a bit of ~~tarnish~~ character now.

Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don’t be an ass and copy/use it as your own.

Halloween Rudeness

2010-11-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

Hope your Halloween festivities were fun and delightful. We had a pretty good Halloween, and the kiddos really did. Cutie and Junior made out like bandits with about 10 pounds of candy from an hour of trick-or-treating. Not too shabby. They were ready to go home and eat some of their loot before we were, so that was good and they only ended up with enough candy to last until Christmas instead of Easter. Yay!

I have two major gripes with people in general, one of which is rudeness and the other is inconsideration. They seem to go hand in hand with people, a chicken or the egg type of thing, but really you could be rude and know you’re being rude/inconsiderate, and you could be inconsiderate but not really think it through… okay, I guess they are hand in hand…

Everyone knows about last night’s festivities of ~~begging neighbors for candy~~ trick-or-treating; it’s not like it is a new concept. I mean, it’s been around since the late 1800’s -early 1900’s as a way to keep destructive and bored youth from vandalizing your property. If you don’t know the history, here’s a brief synopsis. Kids used to go around and vandalizing property on All Hallows Eve, so people decided to “treat” the kids to candy (which back then were a huge thing because it was more of a luxury) and in turn those kids wouldn’t destroy the homeowner’s property. This evolved into the whole “trick-or-treat” notion; with the ‘treat’ being candy and the ‘trick’ being vandalism. Fast forward a 100+ years later, and we have kids doing what they do- still have some vandalizing kids with eggs/t.p/soaping windows/etc. but other than that pretty uneventful with a bunch of candy collected…ah, I digress- back to my ~~point~~ story.

With trick-or-treating comes a certain amount of etiquette/protocol for each home.

Have candy ready for your local neighborhood trick-or-treaters.
Turn on outside light to indicate you have candy.
Answer door to kids.
Hand out candy appropriately.
Repeat Steps 3 & 4 until said candy is gone.
Turn off outside light to indicate candy is gone.

Seems rather simple, not too involved- you could even leave your candy in a bowl on your doorstep if you don't want to answer your door and have the kids self-serve, wait in your driveway and get them there, etc. Really, the key indicator is the outside light being either “on” or “off” indicating whether you have candy or not.

I understand the economy is crappy, you might have lost your job and couldn’t buy candy, forgot to buy candy, you might be out of candy early, maybe you ate the candy, who cares really- and I know it is “free candy” to the little kids and why complain about a “free thing” right? Well, here’s why. If you leave your outside porch light on- at 6 pm when it is still light outside- and have your doorbell ring- don’t scramble by the door, lock your deadbolt, move the curtain by the door and shut your light off with two little kids on your porch! Answer the door and politely say; “I’m sorry, I am out of candy” or something along those lines- don’t be rude by acting like that- because back when I was a kid, you’ve woke up to t.p. in your bushes/hedges/trees, soap on your car windows, and eggs on your house.

So… how was your Halloween?

Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don't be an ass and copy/use it as your own.

Shall we meet some of the players?

2010-10-31T09:19:00.000-07:00

Any good story will begin with some good ol' fashioned character development of some sort; well, this is how it will be done here... today's post is going to list the main characters of this blogumentary so you as a reader can refer to it later if need be for a brief background relationship on the players so to ~~speak~~ write. As this progresses, you will be filled in with more information on each character if it is necessary for the day's activities/events and introductions to new players/characters will be done before the daily post. ~~How convenient!~~

I will also try and post a "day in hell" summary later after ~~the kids beg neighbors for candy~~ this evening's festivities.

me/Jill: I am an entrepreneur and stay at home mom to two kiddos Cutie and Junior and the wife of Bill. Currently writing this blogumentary as a creative outlet for my crazy life so many can enjoy the life that is truly stranger than fiction.

Bill: husband to me, father to Cutie and Junior, son of Millie and Phil, brother to Will. Currently looking for the next employment opportunity due to our country's wonderful economic status.

Cutie- daughter of Bill and Jill, sister to Junior. Sugar and spice and everything nice.

Junior- son of Bill and Jill, brother to Cutie. Snakes and snails and puppy dogs tails.

Millie-mom to Bill and Will, Phil's wife; a retiree that has way too much time on her hands, never enough money and will tell you all about it- you don't even have to ask either.

Phil- dad to Bill and Will, Millie's husband; also a retiree. Addicted to fast food, TV and football.

Will- Wilma's husband, dad to Polly and Wally, brother to Bill. Works for the state.

Wilma- Will's wife, mom to Polly and Wally. Works for a private company.

Wally- Will and Wilma's teenage son; who can do no right.

Polly- Will and Wilma's tweenage daughter; who can do no wrong.

So, there you have it. Our wonderful family tree that really isn't a twig- despite our "creative" names- like I said before, names and identifying details have been changed/removed to protect the innocent and not so innocent. Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don't be an ass and copy/use it as your own.

Welcome!

2010-10-30T20:16:00.000-07:00

This blogumentary is going to be a way for you as a reader to travel through the day to day life I am experiencing. Names of people and identifying details will be changed to protect the innocent and not so innocent.

The adventures of my kooky family and all of the crap that seems to be happening to us on a daily basis has sparked my creativity in "writing this down" so one day I will go back and read this and laugh- hopefully you will too. Although, right now, the laughing part is lacking, but hair pulling, anxiety and stress- no problem, that's more than covered.

With that being said, I will sign off this initial post.

Similarity to any real person other than myself is purely ~~unfortunate for them~~ coincidental, this is my story so please don't be an ass and copy/use it as your own.